A Direction

    Figuring out what you want and need is no small task.  For me, my draws and desires seem to shift from moment to moment, and it becomes a haze of beauty and bitterness, desire and defeat.  But one thing in what I seek remains constant, and perhaps this means it is the only true portion of what I want.  Whenever I find her, wherever we meet, I want someone who inspires me.
    A muse for my craft, a motivator for life.  Someone who, just by being herself, makes me want to be the best version of myself I have ever been.  A hard to define quality, harder still to find.  Something I haven’t ever had in the purest form.  Yet only the taste I have experienced has left me knowing it is something I need in my life.
    Loneliness smothers though, you find yourself gasping for a breath of change from the solitude, and contemplating compromise.  Take the easier path, find comfort and calm, it often doesn’t sound so bad.  But such a choice is a slow death, I fear.  Little by little hope dies out until all you are is a routine intertwined with someone else’s.
    Of course, this could happen with a muse as well.  We are all human, we are all flawed.  We all get lazy and at some point succumb to sloth.  In these moments, I need to be able to look into her eyes, see the soul that so fired my own, and find the will to fight again.  If you never had the fire, there isn’t hope, and it isn’t a way I can live anymore.
    Everything else is shrouded in uncertainty, and I’m ok with that.  I may never have children, make a lot of money, or find fame and recognition.  None of these things will matter though, if I find the woman who can pierce my soul, and love me with the same fervor and passion that I will give to her.