Thanksgiving

    As the day of thankfulness festivities commenced, I couldn’t help but feel anything but thankful.  I felt a total stranger in my own family.  I felt naked and exposed and there was but a single thought coursing through my mind.
    “Run”.
    I don’t want to be here anymore.  I don’t want to live in this house, I don’t want to see your things, I don’t want every last thing on this planet to remind me of you anymore.  I wish it was as easy as just turning off a switch, but love isn’t like that.  The hurt lingers, wounds take time to heal.  You have forsaken yourself more than you have forsaken me, and it gives me no comfort to see you on the path of destruction.  Indeed, it only causes me more pain.
    I turn away, I avoid looking toward you at all cost, but I know you all too well.  I don’t need to see it to know what you are doing, I never did.  I have always known things long before you told me.  I always saw right through you, perhaps deeper than you ever did.  There is a well, a spring of life, waiting to burst open and wash you clean, to bathe you in the beauty and wonder you are capable of.
    Will it ever happen, I don’t know.  I hope so, no matter how hard it will be for either of us.  For now, I can’t sit idle and rot, as I have been.  I chose the path back to you, but you have it barred and guarded, and so I can only move away.
    Personal dreams begin to awaken in me, and they are bittersweet.  My desires realized, but realized in solitude.  So many roadblocks and obstacles that were insurmountable before are trivial in the face of my emotional devastation.  Yet still the prize at the end of these trials seems dim and meaningless as well.
    Is this our fate?  Do we chip away at each other until we are too tired to live?  How can we love, trust, or smile again knowing what we now know?  How will I ever have faith that the earth won’t just fall out from beneath me again?
    What will become of us?  I guess only time will tell.  Have a wonderful life, Lover.