Traveling by train. Rushing toward my home town, friends, and all things known. Leaving behind the excitement of the new, of possibility, and genuine interest. My mind lost somewhere between.
I’ve been absent my life, my job, my country for the last week, trolling around Canada like I own the place. Meeting strangers, seeing family, and visiting someone who grows increasingly special to me. I’ve found myself in a strange state, as the person I have become collides with reality. Tested under fire, in an unknown land, I like who I am now.
Of course I have things to work on (apparently I’m quite loud), but I enjoy being myself. This is a gift. This is a treasure to me that is more precious than I can say. I, who have cut and cried, hated or just not cared, have found a certain contentedness in myself.
This has been a long process. I look back at the last decade and see how I have not grown, but been forged into what I am. It has been painful, and left me with so many scars, but I can say it was worth it.
Now, tempered and cooled, I find myself absent the rage and hatred. I am open to the good presented me, the affections and kindness of others. Yes, there is black in me, yes there is a deep darkness, but I feel free, unburdened, and clear.
Now, I wait. I chase dreams and cherished true people as I await the next fall of the hammer to temper me, forge me forward. Eyes ever set on being better.
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