Being gracious isn’t something that just happens. You don’t wake up
one day and suddenly no longer want revenge or punishment for those who
have wronged you. It takes work, every day, every breath at times.
I have been complemented much this last year over grace. People
respect the kindness I fight to maintain in my heart. Some may think
this is just my natural state of being, but those who’ve known me long
understand this was not a characteristic I’ve always had.
Years ago, I was possessed by undirected hate. I hated everything.
Myself, those around me, the very world and existence. This is still a
battle in me. Blood and carnage litter my soul over this small scrap
of peace I have been able to carve out. A bastion of calm in a never
ending maelstrom of emotion. Darkness still swirls around me, threatens
to consume me, but I cling to this place of kindness.
As broken and weary as I become, as long as I have this grace, I claim
victory. Those who hurt me do not dictate who I am. Fears and
loneliness do not control me. I am a kind man. Despite it all, this is
how I choose to define myself and live my life.
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