A surprise feeling wells inside of me on this island. A family vacation evokes surprising emotion. Watching my cousin’s children cry and cling to him, then moments later burst into laughter, and I realize, I still want that. I still want a family.
A dream that seemed robbed from me, it had become easier to shut it down. Don’t want it so I won’t feel the loss. And that defense served me well, for a time. Push away what you feel you cannot have, and eventually, you really believe you don’t want it.
I don’t know how any of this will or should take shape, as I still want all my other dreams. To journey, to explore, to see what I have not, to know more than I am told. I suppose there is a way to merge all dreams, if you care enough, if you really want them both.
Dreams and plans shatter against the shore of life every day. I’ll just keep trying to stay centered, figure out what I need to fight for, to be fulfilled and happy with myself, and keep on adapting.
Don't worry, love. I'll give you my coma baby. ;)
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