“I really didn’t think it would happen like this. Somehow, this was the option I thought least likely. But I guess I should have known.”
“It’s what I want.”
“So you said. But I’ve never known you to actually have a clue about what you want. I mean, what do you want? Why do you want it?”
“I told you, I want him. That’s all that matters now.”
“I guess so. I guess you don’t owe me a thing. But I’d really like to know why we went through all we did for you to just walk away. I mean, why start any of this at all?”
“I don’t know.”
“Ok, there is the answer I am more used to hearing. You don’t know cause you don’t strive to know. You don’t know because you stuff everything down rather than try to feel one goddamn thing.”
“I have felt so much! I can’t stop feeling. I hurt and cry everyday and I just can’t do it anymore. I’m making a choice because I just have to know. I’m falling apart.”
“So fall apart! Fall to pieces and sort it out after. Live and feel and surrender to the whims of your heart. I don’t know how you claim to love a thing with a heart so cold.”
“Fuck you. You don’t know. I can’t let it take me, I can’t put it back together.”
“I do know. I know better than you think. I’m not some indestructible creature. I feel and hurt and fall apart everyday. But I fight and find a way through, and I am certain in the end it will be worth it. I’ll have something most don’t.”
“You can’t make my choice. You said you would respect whatever I chose.”
“I know. I did. I do.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me too. I miss you.”
“I miss you too, Sailer.”
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